Life is short, very short when it's all said and done and whilst I've been reminded of the value of time, ( being in my own whirlwind over the last few years), I've also learnt to begin the process again to craft a life I love and honour future me with the decisions that I make today. It’s been a hot while since I sat down to write and I hope it’s here that my thoughts on life in the middle chapter offer kind words to others as well as compassion for myself.
Future me waits for the gifts of good health, great relationships with family and friends and financial security for the big life ahead.
I’ve got plans, big plans, so whether it's the one year older version of me, or the 5 year wiser self, sending myself some love and the gifts that I need for a greater life than I’ve allowed so far.
It’s so easy to sit back and watch the years roll by. Six years ago I stopped training, my nutrition fell away and in the depths of a hidden despair I retreated into myself. Illness found me and it might take a hot minute to find the healthier, fitter version of myself that I left behind. Finding a way out has been the hardest thing to acknowledge. Its such a silent killer, stepping away from our own needs, filling up those of others and when all is said and done, a lesser version of myself is what remains. ( but not for much longer I might also say!)
If I had my time over again, I would have slowed down and processed it all, maybe even stopped work for a while, but I didn’t. I plowed on, as we are often to do, ignored the signs and tested the boundaries of my own mental and physical health. Six years of insomnia, inactivity and overwork. My brain literally screamed out to me and my body has paid a high price. Today I start over and leave behind my own midlife pause.
Over the past few years life has shown me that time is our greatest gift. More isn't promised and yesterday will never be again. Creating a manifesto of my own feels right. Without, like I’m in a boat without a captain and chance is a terrible navigator for me.
So I begin again to write, share the lessons I’ve learnt, the great books I’ve read and my plan for my own midlife and beyond. It seems like as I get closer to another decade milestone I search for answers. I’ve read a lot, almost 1000 books over the last 15 years, most of which I still have in my library. A place I retreat to when I’m tired, seeking solitude and the promise of silence. It was a must to have a place in my new home for all my books, a desk to write from and a view to take in the quiet weight of silence.
This week I’ve been reading “The Purpose Code by Jordan Grumet” after listening to him speak on a podcast. Looking ahead all the possibilities on the other side of my working life but without a plan feels delicious in the freedom and salty without the focus of a full time job.
I’ve been thinking big lately, mostly from my conversations with Terry Condon from a money mentorship program I’ve been invested in, but again with this book, the same themes came up. I promise to spill the beans on what I’ve learnt from the program so far in another post for you.
Here’s what keeps coming up….
What are your biggest regrets?
What are you proudest of?
Are there any unfulfilled dreams that were left behind?
What feels like it’s missing?
Where do you want to go?
Thought provoking questions deserving big reflection and asking what I actually want from life. Having choices and making plans for big dreams to be put into action. And actually get moving, which is a challenge with only 7 days in the week. I often spend so much time thinking, I forget to get into the doing of it all.
Looking ahead to the big Six O and counting months beyond into having more time for myself finally, finding my purpose rather than someone else’s having been a life long people pleaser is a big step forward. Time, there it is! I’ve been trading it for all things that money can buy over many many years but the biggest wealth is time for the things you enjoy.
The frameworks I’ve found between the pages of all these books I’ve read, from philosophy, psychology, financial management, nutrition, medicine, my mind is a mash up of it all. I’ve found a way forward to create yet another iteration of myself, perhaps a little kinder, more reflective and just a little more focused for the future and what lies ahead. Less them, more me perhaps.
I encourage you to find a moment to think about your own life, define future plans and get about moving forward to what fills you up. Small steps bring big results. This I know to be true. Oh, and stop people pleasing and say NO more often! We will talk some more about that too!!
Time for me to get in front of the camera and the microphone rather than behind and speak my truth. Women in their 50’s and 60’s can almost be invisible and I’d like to change that. To let go of my own imposter syndrome and step out from the darkness of what has been a really shitty block of time.
Imagine 5 years from now and where you will be. I've lived on this earth for over 20,000 days ( thanks for the reminder Oliver Burkeman!) and I won't waste another year putting off what I know I should do today.
Kerry XO